I Know It's Hard To Be Home (But It Feels Like It's Wrong)
by Bryn Elizabeth
Summary: Part of my Puzzle Pieces AU. Rory leaves Alexandra to chase a story for the first time-it's hard to leave, but it's almost harder to be home. Logan, who knows what it's like to be pulled between work and parenthood, tries his best to help.


**A/N: Another installment in my AU! This takes place about two years before the revival. The title is from _Darling_ by Needtobreathe. Let me know if you like it!**

* * *

Heathrow Airport is always crowded.

And so Rory is huffing in impatience as she walks quickly, two-year-old on her hip, Logan following close on her heels, rolling her suitcase behind him. Finally, she finds a corner empty enough to stop in to say a proper good-bye before she's gone for eleven days on an assignment in Los Angeles.

"Okay," she begins, looking at Logan. "You're sure that you'll be okay with her—"

"Parenting my own child?" he asks, corners of his mouth turned up in amusement. "You keep asking me that. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of confidence in my abilities. Have I not shown myself to be competent?"

"Sorry," she says quietly. "You're a fantastic dad. I just feel so—" Alexandra digs her fingers into Rory's chest, and she moves the girl's little hand. " _Guilty_."

"Well, don't." He puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "We'll be fine."

"I know, I just—"

" _And_ we'll miss you," he offers. "If that makes you feel better."

She smiles, holding Alexandra a little bit tighter. The toddler squirms, and so Rory relaxes her grip.

" _Down,_ Mama," Alexandra says, trying to push herself away.

"No, you can't get down; there's too many people here," Rory explains. She looks back at Logan. "Just tell me one more time I'm not a bad mom for leaving the country to go write something."

"You are _not_ a bad mom. Come on, how many international business trips have I been on since Lexi Lu was born?"

"But that's _different—_ "

Logan cuts her off. "Oh, no. Do _not_ tell me that my very feminist wife is telling me that it's _different_ for her to go on business trips because she's the mom and I'm the dad."

She frowns. "It's just that this is the first time that I've left her for so long, okay?"

"Well, it's only eleven days. She's not going to forget you and then write a memoir about that time her mom abandoned her to go write a piece."

Rory rolls her eyes, readjusting Alexandra as she once again tries to push herself out of Rory's arms.

"Let me tell you, as someone who has had practice—it sucks. It's hard. You're gonna miss her. But you'll come back, and the reunion will be so sweet." Logan smiles. "That's the best part of going away—the coming back."

Rory smiles, pressing a kiss to Alexandra's head.

"Besides," he argues, "you're teaching our daughter that just because she's a mom doesn't mean she can't also have an awesome job and travel and do what she wants."

"I'm going to miss you, too," Rory says, reaching one hand out to take Logan's. "I always miss you when you're gone."

"That reunion will be sweet, too," he winks. "I'll miss you, too, Ace. But you need to go. Stop freaking out and just go get on the plane."

"But—"

"Rory."

With a sigh, she hugs Alexandra tightly, kissing the top of her head.

"Mama loves you, Alex. So much. Give me a kiss."

Alexandra ignores her, and Rory bounces her.

"Hey, you. Give me a kiss."

Alexandra sits back in Rory's arms and tilts her face up, her little lips puckered. Tears in her eyes, Rory tilts down and kisses her.

"I love you." When Alex doesn't respond, she taps her on the cheek. "Hey. I love you. I love you."

"Uv you," Alexandra says impatiently, squirming again.

"Come to Daddy," Logan says, reaching out his arms, and Alexandra practically jumps into them, happy to change positions.

"I love _you_ " Rory says to Logan.

"I love you, too, Ace. Call me when you land."

"I will."

She kisses him, holding on to his jacket.

"Hey," he pulls away. "It's eleven days. _Go._ "

"Okay."

Rory takes a deep breath, bracing herself, and grabs the handle of her suitcase.

"I'm going."

"Bye, Ace," Logan laughs. He tickles Alexandra's side. "Say bye to Mommy."

"Bye!"

" _Go_."

He pushes her gently, and she finally starts walking toward security, turning back every few seconds to look at them waving.

"Daddy, _walk_ ," Alexandra says, pushing at him.

"You wanna walk? Okay. Hold my hand."

* * *

"Hey, Ace," Logan says groggily.

"Ah, I shouldn't have called and woken you up."

"No, no, no. I told you to call me when you landed. Trust me, I would have been upset if you hadn't. How was the flight?"

"Long. How are you guys?"

"We're fine. Everyone is still alive."

"Logan—"

"She's asleep. She's fine. I will tell you—she cried a little bit for you at bedtime. I don't know if that makes you feel better or worse."

"Both? I feel guilty, but also—I'm kind of glad she misses me. Is that weird?"

"Not at all." He pauses. "Does she cry for me when I'm gone?"

"Oh, yeah. Like you don't know she's Daddy's Little Girl through and through."

He smiles. "Just checking."

She yawns, trying to stifle it with her hand. "Sorry."

"Hey, you must be exhausted. Go, get settled. Call me later."

"I'll try to call you when it's not the middle of the night."

"No, call me whenever. I will always talk to you."

"Just—"

"Hey, I'll send you lots of pictures," he says knowingly.

"Thanks. I'm going to go get a cab. You go back to sleep."

"Text me when you get to your hotel, and _then_ I'll go to sleep."

"Deal." She sighs. "I love you, Logan."

"I love you, too."

* * *

"Okay, I'm going. Bye, Lexi Lu," Logan waves, then stops. "Wait. I promised Rory I'd send her pictures while she's gone. Can you take a few today?"

" _Oui_ ," the au pair answers—Logan and Rory were not sure if hiring an au pair to teach Alexandra to speak French while she watched her was culturally enriching their daughter or if it was a move the Huntzbergers and Gilmores would be a little too thrilled with, but Alexandra seemed happy and well taken care of when she was left with the girl.

Before he can actually get out of the door, his phone rings, and he waves it, smiling. "Speaking of." He puts it to his ear. "Hey, Ace. I was just telling Gabrielle to take some pictures of Lexi Lu today for you."

"Oh. Thanks."

"And what are you doing up? It's eleven at night there."

"I'm still on London time. This is going to be rough."

He chuckles. "Yes, it will be."

* * *

"Daddy, Punza," Alexandra says, pointing at the television.

"Uh… what?"

" _Punza_ ," she insists, pointing at the TV again. "Punza."

"You want… to watch… oh! Rapunzel!"

She claps her hands. "Yeah! Punza!"

"Okay. Let's watch Rapunzel."

As he puts the DVD in, he hears her little feet pad away to the kitchen.

"Lex? Whatcha doing, sweet girl?"

"Cookie?" she asks. "Juice?"

"Well, how could we watch a movie without snacks? You want a cookie?"

 _Of course I'm not spoiling her_ , he quickly types in response to Rory.

* * *

"How's the story coming?" Logan asks, trying to find a way to prop his phone up on his desk so that he can video chat and eat lunch at the same time.

"Really good, actually. I mean, I know it's only been three days, but—really good."

"That's awesome, Ace." He grins.

"I'm having a lot of fun with it." Suddenly, her face falls. "I mean—"

"Ace. Do _not_ feel bad, not for one second, about enjoying your work."

"I just—"

"Rory, I've been worried about you," he blurts suddenly.

"What? Why?"

He sighs. "I just—I know that it's been hard for you, not having a steady job. Even though I know you'd never say."

"What kind of mother wouldn't love getting to be with her baby all the time?"

"Rory, I _know_. I know you love being a mom, but I also know you don't really love being a stay-at-home mom. It's just not who you are."

"But—"

"Look—I'm the same way. I love Lexi Lu, but I love my work. I know how you feel."

"Does it get easier?" she asks quietly.

Logan shakes his head. "No, not really. But, come on. I want to hear all about this piece."

* * *

"Mama," Alexandra whines, standing in her crib and holding on to the bars. "Mama."

"Mama will be back in four days," Logan explains, trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes.

"Mama!"

Her face twists, and Logan recognizes what is coming.

"Mama!" she sobs, stomping her feet. "Mama!"

"Come here, baby."

He reaches into the crib and scoops her up, and she grabs a fistful of his t-shirt, now screaming directly in his ear.

"Mama! Mama!"

"Look, I'll call her," he says loudly over her crying, which has dissolved into hysterics.

He heads back to his own room for his phone, bouncing her on his hip. When he finally finds it, he scrolls for the number as quickly as he can, heading back to Alexandra's room.

"Logan?"

"Hey, Ace, are you busy?"

"Is that Alex? What's wrong? It's like four am?"

"Yeah, she woke up, and she's—can you video chat?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Look!" He stops bouncing Alexandra to show her the phone. "Look, Lex! It's Mama!"

"Hey, Al. What's wrong?"

"Mama," the toddler says in between gulping breaths.

"Hey, baby. You're okay. You're okay."

"Here." Logan settles down in the rocking chair. "Let Daddy rock you while you talk to Mama."

"Mama," Alex repeats, reaching to touch Rory's face on the phone screen.

Rory talks to Alexandra soothingly until she falls asleep, head on Logan's chest, hand still reaching toward the phone.

* * *

"The piece is _done_ ," Rory says into the phone, dragging her suitcase through LAX. "And _just_ on time, too, thank goodness."

"Are you happy with it?" Logan asks.

"I am! I really am. I think it's good."

"I can't wait to read it, Ace."

"And you know what else?"

"What?"

"I went out last night. I went to dinner, and I had a few drinks, and I didn't have to worry about coming home for bedtime, or to relieve the sitter, and it was—it was nice."

"I'm so glad."

"I'm glad I did this."

"Me, too."

"Okay. I'm about to get on the plane. I'll see you in eleven hours."

* * *

"Mama!" Alexandra shrieks as soon as Rory comes into view, and the other travelers can't help but smile as she struggles to climb out of Logan's arms.

Rory walks faster toward them, and Logan hurries in her direction, holding Alex out flat like she's flying.

"Alex!" Rory greets, immediately taking the toddler and squeezing her, peppering the top of her head with kisses. "I missed you so much!"

Alex leans in, wrapping her arms around Rory's neck, and Rory grins.

"Such good love!"

"Hey, Ace," Logan greets, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Welcome home."

"I missed you, too."

She kisses him, then pulls back to rub Alex's nose with her own.

"You were right, Logan," Rory says. "The coming back _is_ the best part."


End file.
